How Do You Support Your Sober Partner in Recovery? 13 Real Strategies

Starting the journey of helping a loved one in their journey to sobriety is a challenging and life-changing experience. Whether your significant other has just started on this goal or has been on the road to recovery for some time, your role in their journey is critical.

Studies show that a healthy support system is a significant factor in an individual’s success in recovery and lowers the risk of relapse. Even just one supportive person for a recovering alcoholic is enough to boost them towards living a sober life.

How do you support your sober partner in recovery? You can learn about strategies that can help you both cope. It’s not only helping your partner recover from alcoholism but also building a life of renewed trust and support for each other.

13 Strategies on How to Support a Recovering Alcoholic Spouse

1. 1. Avoid Judgment

Alcohol addiction should be considered a disease rather than a lifestyle choice. It consists of biological, psychological, and social elements that contribute to the onset and ongoing existence of addiction. There are probably underlying issues that have not been addressed.

Your partner may already feel guilty about their situation, and the best action is not to add to it. Avoid saying things like, “Why can’t you just stop?” or “This is your fault.” Your partner may become defensive instead of opening up and sharing their thoughts. It’s best to talk to them calmly and ask if they would like to share something about their journey.

2. 2. Create a Supportive Plan

Research and plan your partner’s treatment options. Get educated about the types of support that your loved one can get. Open communication is essential so both of you can agree on the steps to recovery. Here are some things you can discuss compassionately with your partner:

• • Create realistic goals.
  • Set boundaries to protect you both.
  • Discuss treatment or supportive care options.
  • Create a routine promoting healthy well-being, such as curfews or chore participation. 
  • Promote self-care not only for your partner but also for yourself.

3. 3. Understand Triggers

Understanding and avoiding triggers have a significant impact on the risk of relapse. Triggers are situations, emotions, or events that can cause a person to drink or participate in harmful alcohol-related behaviors. Understanding and dealing with these triggers is an integral part of staying sober.

To identify triggers successfully, you and your partner can record what triggers them when there is an urge to drink. Studies say two types of triggers can be identified as internal or external:

Internal triggers – These are often caused by thoughts or emotions such as anxiety, excitement, sadness, and frustration, among others. Physical ailments like headaches can also be an internal triggers.

External triggers– They are more accessible to track. It can be a specific time of the day, people, place, or certain stimuli. 

4. 4. Suggest Sober Activities

Engaging in sober activities that you can enjoy is a healthy and fun way to support your sober partner in recovery. Research and discuss sober activities that you can do together, such as:

• • Outdoor activities such as hiking or walking to the park.
  • Learn arts and crafts that interest you both.
  • Movie night, but make sure there are no triggering factors.
  • Attend cooking classes together if you both enjoy it.
  • Go to the gym together or exercise at home.
  • Attend workshops on topics that are of mutual interest.
  • Visit local museums or bookstores.
  • Go on a short road trip to see new places.
  • Volunteer in organizations with a good cause.

5. 5. Consider Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is beneficial, especially in a challenging time such as this. Studies show that couples therapy can effectively help couples in distress. It can affect communication and relationship satisfaction, which is essential for recovery.

A therapist can help you address underlying issues that may trigger alcoholism. A professional take on your journey can impact your overall progress. Also, it can foster deeper connection and understanding with each other. 

6. 6. Be Patient

As they always say, patience is a virtue. It means waiting well without getting frustrated. This is because the road to sobriety can be long and hard. For others, it takes a lifetime of continuous support, guidance, and conscious choice to abstain from alcohol. Success is not overnight, so it takes patience from the recovering adult and the supportive partner.

7. 7. Celebrate Progress

Choosing to be sober requires courage and effort. Small steps of progress should be celebrated. A sobriety birthday is the date on which someone decides to stop using drugs or alcohol. You can celebrate it with your partner yearly to keep track of the length of their sobriety journey.

8. 8. Seek Individual Therapy

Couples therapy can help you strengthen your relationship and communicate effectively with your partner. However, part of taking care of yourself while supporting someone in recovery is to undergo individual therapy. 

It can be easy to overlook your own needs while supporting your partner. It’s helpful to have someone to talk to and process your thoughts and emotions with, so you can also effectively help your partner in their journey.

9. 9. Maintain Open Communication

Open communication is essential for accountability, which is very important in helping your partner be sober. Aside from discussing your loved one’s journey to recovery, having small talks and enjoyable conversation is also a part of building trust and connection.

About their sobriety journey, you can discuss topics such as:

• Triggers
• Progress 
• Goals and plans
• Feelings and emotions
• Lifestyle changes
• Self-care activities
• Couple activities
• Effective and non-effective interventions

10. 10. Create a Sober Shared Space

An essential part of recovery is the environment. The living situation alone can hinder or boost the individual’s progress toward recovery. That is why creating a sober shared space is an integral part of this journey. Here’s how to create a sober shared space for you and your partner:

• Remove all alcoholic substances from your home, including used bottles or labels and photos.
• Create a space with positive reinforcement, such as hanging inspirational artwork or motivational quotes.
• Reduce stress and promote relaxation by creating a comfortable home. You can add soft lights or cozy furniture.
• Establish routines such as curfews or time limits. Chores and exercises are also excellent ways to help the individual take their mind off their cravings.
• Communicate with empathy rather than judgment. The home should be a safe space where your partner feels loved and supported.
• Be firm with boundaries, such as imposing zero alcohol tolerance or limiting the time you go out and the friends you go out with.

11. 11. Respect Their Sobriety

Respect your partner’s sobriety by avoiding going to places that may trigger alcohol cravings. Do not tempt them with alcohol or show them you are enjoying it yourself. It may feel like self-limiting, but if you share the same goals, this will be easier to follow. 

12. 12. Build Healthy Relationships

On the road to sobriety, it’s time to accept that there are friends who can be triggering and are not suitable for your partner’s recovery. Building healthy relationships with people who have the same goal can be encouraging. The right community will support your journey and guide you toward the right path. Check for support groups around your area that share the same values and goals.

13. 13. Check-In Regularly

Checking in regularly when supporting a partner toward sober living means constant communication, consistent assessment, and accountability. The first 30 days of being sober can be the most challenging time since your partner is just starting on their journey. There may be physical, emotional, and mental signs of withdrawal. During this time, daily check-ins are extremely helpful.

A few months after deciding to get sober, your partner may feel more calm and relaxed. New habits are formed that support their sobriety goal. After a year of sobriety, celebrate this milestone and be proud of your loved one’s progress. All these days, checking in regularly extensively impacts your sober partner’s success.

Common Marriage Changes After Sobriety

Alcoholism recovery can cause considerable changes in marriage. While it can vary from couple to couple, here are some common marriage changes after sobriety:

• Improved communication
• Increased intimacy
• Greater stability
• Shared values and goals
• Growing trust
• Renewed focus
• Enhanced support system

Getting Help for Your Alcoholic Spouse

Living with an alcoholic spouse can be draining and frustrating. It’s important to understand that alcoholism is a disease, and your spouse may have underlying issues that trigger the cravings for alcohol. 

While they are going through a difficult time, it’s the same thing for you. Both of you need support and guidance to navigate this challenging path. Here are some ways on how to get help for your alcoholic spouse:

• • Educate yourself by learning and understanding about the causes, effects, and treatment options for alcoholism.

• • Express your love and empathy by saying ‘I’m worried about you,” instead of judging your partner and saying harsh words.

• • Choose the right time and place to talk. Privacy and safety should be your first concern when discussing with your alcoholic spouse.

• • Offer support and encouragement. Let your partner know that you are supportive in their journey to be free from alcohol addiction.

• • Seek professional help. You don’t always have to do it alone. There are treatment options for alcoholism, and discuss it with your partner. Another way is joining a sober living home or supportive community that can help you both.

Los Angeles Sober Living

For individuals or loved ones grappling with substance abuse, the Sober Living Program by Design for Recovery provides a secure and supportive environment. This structured and holistic program emphasizes individual growth and community support, focusing on accountability and life skills development for a successful transition to sober living. 
The experienced and compassionate team collaborates closely with each participant to craft a personalized recovery plan. You can look at the Los Angeles sober living programs that can help you and your spouse in this challenging but rewarding journey.