What are the effects Of Growing Up With Alcoholic Parents?

Alcohol intake may begin as a way to enjoy or relax after a long, winding day. But given its appeal, it can quickly spiral into heavy and chronic drinking. In fact, even the statistics say that nearly 209 million worldwide are struggling with an alcohol use disorder (AUD) [3]. While there is a certain kind of stigma associated with drugs, there is a social acceptability that comes with alcohol. It is freely available, and this can lead to an inability to control use that hinders a person from meeting their personal and other obligations.

Alcohol can impact and injure every aspect of life. When a parent struggles with alcohol use disorder, the negative aspects of it can affect their child right throughout adulthood. For one, children of alcoholic parents are four times more likely to develop an AUD in their lives. It is the outcome of a complex interplay between genetics, environment, and other personal factors. For another, they can experience isolation, anger, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.

While this can seem dire, nothing is set in stone. If you are growing up with alcoholic parents, knowing how it affects you and how you can heal from these negative experiences goes a long way in living a fulfilling, joyous life.

Emotional Impact on Kids of Alcoholic Parents

Parents are the first contact a child has with the outside world. As a result, parents have a great impact on their child’s development - right from early years to adulthood. However, when a parent struggles with AUD, it emotionally affects the children - both immediate and lasting effects. Here are some of the commonly recognizable emotional symptoms that children of alcoholics tend to show:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anger and hostility
• Feelings of low self-esteem
• High emotional reactivity
• Low attention span
• Early alcohol or drug use.
• Suicidal thoughts and behavior.

When a child witnesses their parents drinking, it can be a harrowing experience - negatively shaping the way the child views themselves, their parents, and the world. As a consistently caring environment is crucial for a child's safety and trust in the early years, it can lead to long-lasting mental health concerns that can only worsen in the years to come.

How Alcoholism Affects School and Behavior?

Parents’ alcoholism affects children's school and behavior. For instance, children may miss out on school and lag behind in performance. They may also become highly emotional about sensitive things and react in extreme ways or become socially withdrawn.

Here are some of the other ways in which children might act that may differ from children of non-alcoholic parents:

• Always walking on eggshells, trying hard not to upset the parent.
• Stay out of the parent’s way.
• They keep their feelings to themselves.
• Conceal the parent’s alcoholism, even from those close to them.
• Do not speak up or act nonchalant even when they are hurting.
• They take on tasks that are too big for their age (they have to grow up soon).
• Can engage in self-harm.

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Coping with the Pain: Why Some Behaviors Are Hard to Shake?

Growing up with an alcoholic parent(s) means living in a constant state of uncertainty. Children, being too young, do not develop the sense of safety, security, and trust with the outside world they need otherwise. Therefore, they develop coping mechanisms to just survive somehow - avoiding conflict, shutting down, becoming hyper-responsible than children normally are, and trying to control everything around them. While these behaviors or coping mechanisms give them just enough to survive at home, they are not the tools to go out there in the real world and thrive. They take away from the carefree years of childhood and make the life ahead unfulfilling in general.

Yet, these behaviors become difficult to shake as children have gotten so used to surviving on them. Their brain is wired to constantly scan for danger, fear neglect or rejection, and have difficulty in trusting others - as a result, they cannot go on to have strong and caring interpersonal relationships going forward, too. Given that they struggle with school, they may also struggle to build a career for themselves. Even more so, they are more likely to become alcoholics themselves, falling back to the only pattern they know.

However, it does not have to be this way. The power to shake off these behaviors lies in knowledge and wisdom. Recognizing that these patterns are problematic is the first step - knowing one is not too sensitive or broken but only responds in ways that give a sense of safety and security at one time allows one to reclaim control over one's life from these behavioral patterns. Furthermore, with the right care, time, and practice, unlearning these behaviors and replacing them with the tools and skills to thrive is absolutely possible.

10 Ways Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent Affects You as an Adult

Adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) tend to develop certain behavioral patterns that become their coping mechanisms, as we discussed before. While these coping mechanisms provide a safety net for the time being, on the flip side, they do not let them thrive in the world as adults. The ten most recognizable ways in which growing up with alcoholic parent(s) affects ACOAs are as follows:

1. Anxiety:

ACOAs experience high levels of anxiety as a result of constantly walking on eggshells around the alcoholic parent and keeping an eye open for any kind of danger. Their brain is hardwired to scan dangers even after they are out of the alcoholic environment.

2. Rigidity:

As a consequence of the anxiety, ACOAs tend to become very rigid. Any change, even the slightest one, can trigger anxiety and lead to extreme emotional reactions.

3. Difficulty in Developing Trust:

Children of alcoholic parents grow up in an uncertain environment where their parents are not able to provide them with the sense of safety and care they need to develop trust with the outside world. Therefore, they have difficulty trusting others and constantly fear abandonment or rejection.

4. People-Pleasing Behaviors:

ACOAs tend to develop people-pleasing behaviors, where they have a strong need for external validation. This once again develops from the fear of being abandoned or rejected as well as the need to avoid conflict.

5. Perfectionism:

Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait, but it often becomes tedious and tiresome. It arises from the need to prove one’s worth to avoid criticism.

6. Self-Criticism:

Children often believe that their parents’ alcoholism is somehow their fault when it is never the case. The feeling of being unloved, neglected, or even abused becomes internalized over time, making ACOAs extremely critical of themselves.

7. Shame:

Shame plays a big role in ACOAs’ life. Oftentimes, they have had to conceal or cover up their parent’s alcoholism during childhood - this kind of secret leads to shame where they do not open up about themselves and keep that part of their lives deeply buried within themselves.

8. Overly Sensitive:

ACOAs become extremely sensitive and react in ways that are emotionally extreme. For instance, any kind of criticism (even if it is constructive) can set them off on a downward spiral of self-doubt and anxiety.

9. Overly Responsible:

Children of alcoholic parents have had to grow up fast, taking up behaviors children of them must never have to. Hence, they grow up being overly responsible to the point that they feel responsible for things they are not even remotely responsible for.

10. Caring for Others:

Children of alcoholic parents have had to take up caring for their parents and younger siblings far before any child has to. This continues even during adulthood, where they care for others at the behest of their own sense of safety and well-being.

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The Long-Term Effects of Alcoholism in Adulthood (ACoAs)

When a child grows up in an alcoholic family where one or both parents abuse alcohol, it is going to leave a lasting impact on their life, even in ways that are buried and left unspoken years later. The personality traits and patterns developed to cope with an alcoholic parent stay with them even as adults and show up as:

• Anger
• Chronic stress
• Anxiety
• Separation anxiety
• Relationship conflicts
• Obsessive-compulsive behaviors
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Behavioral disorders
• Eating disorders
• Substance use disorders
• Suicidal thoughts and ideation.

However, this is not always the case. Many ACOAs tend to lead highly meaningful and fulfilling lives. Therefore, one can always take heart from the fact that this interplay between genetics and environment that comes with growing up with alcoholic parents does not always lead to emptiness and unfulfillment. It can be overcome; however, healing is required.

Healing from the Trauma of Growing Up with Alcoholic Parents

If you have grown up with alcoholic parents or with those who struggle with substance use, it must have been difficult for you. However, this experience need not dictate your life ahead. To heal from this trauma, here are some things you can do:

Understand Your Emotions:

You might feel that when you bury your emotions and not speak about them, they will somehow go away. But this is detrimental to your well-being and quality of life. Do not run away from your emotions. Acknowledge that your emotions are real and it is okay to feel the way you do. Look deep within to understand why you feel this way and express them.

Know That It is Not on You:

It is common to feel that your parents’ alcoholism is somehow your fault. This kind of thinking makes you believe that you are fundamentally flawed and become overly critical of yourself. However, this is never the case. Your parents’ alcoholism is not or was never on you.

Open Up:

Speak with someone you trust. It can be a relative, a friend, or a licensed mental health practitioner. When you open up and share, you can rely on them for support and guidance, and you can also find healing.

Find a Support Group:

Find a group for families of alcoholics like Al-Anon, Alateen, Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families, and Families Anonymous, among others. Here, you can benefit from shared experiences and learning; you can also find social support in the form of connections who are going through the same thing as you and can enable you to cope with it in better ways.

Break the Cycle:

Children of alcoholics often tend to turn to alcoholism themselves. When you recognize this, you can learn to break the cycle by seeking therapy and attending regular support group meetings. These will equip you with the tools and skills you need to lead a sober, fulfilling life.

Remember, Your Safety is Paramount:

Living in alcoholic environments can jeopardize your safety - as a child and as an adult. If you feel unsafe at any point in time or if others around you are unsafe, then immediately call emergency providers like 9-1-1.

Building a Healthy Future: Coping and Moving Forward

The impact of growing up with alcoholic parents can last through adulthood. Children of alcoholic parents often experience guilt, denial, distrust, emotional suppression, need for control, low self-esteem, and extreme self-reliance. By being honest with oneself and acknowledging that the growing-up experience has been painful, one can take a step toward recovery by seeking therapy, counseling, and support groups to let go and move forward.

Need Help with a Loved One’s Addiction? Reach Out to Design for Recovery

If your parent(s) or any other loved one is struggling with alcohol use or any other substance use, you might want to know what you can do. Overcoming substance use disorders can be difficult and detrimental to handle all on your own. You need support, and the good thing is that support is always available to you. At Design For Recovery, we recognize the need for integrated care and offer sober living homes for men where they can find a safe, clean environment to relax and recover while also developing a sense of belonging and community.